I’ve been here just over 3 months and I’m feeling really home sick. I know that some people take longer vacations than this but I think I came somewhat unprepared for all this. T and I got engaged in early April this year and quickly decided that being apart was something that was going to be really hard to do – emotionally and financially draining.
What was equally hard was to jump to the decision to leave my family and friends behind, and give up my dream job. I was in the perfect place, at the top of my game and making a great salary for what is not even work to me. While I was leading a largely frivolous existence and have little savings, I am definitely not in debt and everything I have is mine.
Never thought I wanted to leave Singapore, never ever expected to marry someone who’s from a completely different culture half-way round the world, never expected to have to give up so many important things all at once.
But the sacrifices you make are just part of the journey… It’s a give and take. Now, T takes care of me by sorting out the 10, 000-item long list of stuff we need to submit and go through in order to convert my tourist visa to permanent residency. I’m not kidding.
We have to prove that we’re in a legitimate relationship (affidavits from friends and family, photos, joint bank account etc), that I’m a decent person they want in this country (no criminal records in the US or Singapore) and that he’s able to support me (T’s income tax, letter from employers etc).
While he’s doing most of the work for this and I understand why it’s important to be so thorough, I’m still exasperated at the tedious and lengthy process. Just give me some papers so that I can work and you can make tax money off me already! I’m going to be beneficial to your economy! If not, let me know now so that I can go back to my wonderful life and job in Singapore, take my husband with me and start our family there. I’m 35 going on 36 and we want to start a family soon. It might be a stretch, but we definitely don’t want to be in a situation where I’m pregnant, broke (I’ve basically been on a 3 month long holiday with no income in the foreseeable future) and deported!
So yeah, my immigration woes have begun but we’ve been married just over a month and things are better than I imagined. I reactivated my long-forgotten OKCupid account yesterday to delete it completely and I re-read my profile just to see what I was thinking then. Realising now that I have practically everything I was looking for and more, I just want to say online dating works (but be careful), true love waits and all those other cliches apply now.
An Exercise In Trivial Pursuits 
The first 6 months of being in a new country are so tough but I promise it does get better and then you wake up one day and you realise you feel home. Going through all the immigration paperwork is a BITCH though and it can make you feel extremely unwanted. You just kind of have to get through it and think about the prize at the end. I definitely believe in online dating though… that’s how I met my husband 🙂
Extremely unwanted is exactly how I’m feeling and maybe somewhat lost. It’s like while I’m in this state of limbo, I’ve lost the independence I value so much
Also I miss my grandmother so much. When I left in August, I told her I’d be home soon and she’s been asking if I’ve returned 😦
Even now that I’m a British citizen all the anti immigration rhetoric makes me feel unwanted. I was fortunate to be here on my own visa already when I met Paul so I have always worked. The loss of independence must be so hard.
Missing family never really goes away but it helps to focus on the fact that you have to live your life for you and that your family wants you to be happy above all else.
You can do it. The paperwork is just a wasteful and not fun reality. We just sent in our revised information to extended my husbands Green Card. Blegh. At least it will be a 10 year one instead of the conditional 2 we had.
Thank you for your encouragement! I hope this passes soon.
I was feeling really down and frustrated by it all.
My husband and I lived a long distance from each other when we met (though I have to be honest and say that we were lucky enough to be in the same country), and it was really difficult. I also left a job I really loved, my hometown, my family, my friends, a city where I had spent most of my life, all for this man. And do you know? The gamble paid off; he is the most amazing husband, and those days of living apart and all the upheaval are like a memory of someone else’s life. It’ll all be worth it in the end xx